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Many people have the disease to please. They say yes so often they frequently dont even check in to see if they really want to commit to what theyre saying yes to. Saying yes to every request is exhausting and leaves us little reserves to take care of ourselves or take care of what really matters.

Im going to work with you to become a little radical in saying NO. Then, if you see youve gone to far in saying no, you can inch back to saying yes to a few more things. My clients are amazed by the power and reserves they find when they give themselves permission to say no.

Why would you want to learn to say no. You say No for two main reasons. First, you begin to free up enough time to take care of yourself on a deeper level. Second, once you identify what you truly value and love to do, you now create space and time to pursue that passion. When you pursue your passion youll feel greater energy, joy and enthusiasm. So, no is a gift to yourself and a gift to the world. Because, when you do what you truly were meant to do you gift the world with your presence.

SAY NO SURVEY

Lets start with a brief survey. The more answers you check, the more deeply you are a people pleaser. You will have the most to gain in your life from learning to say no.

___ I often say yes without thinking about whether Im interested in what I just agreed to.

___ I am often called first to volunteer for my childrens school, church activities, professional committees etc.

___ I feel very guilty when I say no.

___ I worry if people will like me if I say no.

___ I often say yes and then frequently find myself resenting the situation or person that Im dealing with.

___ I often say yes and then find myself feeling unappreciated or used in the situation.

___ I frequently say yes and then feel uncomfortable because Ive just compromised my values.

THE 5-D PROCESS FOR CREATING THE SPACE FOR YOUR DREAMS

Do you have some work to do around saying no? If so, lets begin. The first thing I want you to do is to write down absolutely everything youre committed to. Include work, professional organizations, keeping up your home, children, partner, friends, religious activities, parents, etc. Write your list in categories on a separate piece of paper.

Time to Get Clear

Now, from your list, I want you to put a check by 50% of the items that do not meet what you value in life in each of these categories. Be brutally honest. If it does not add value or meaning to your life, check it off.

The 5D Process Do It, Dump It, Delegate It, Delay It but Date It or Do It A Different Way. Next its time to use the 5D formula. Several of us looked at the process of simplifying our lives and developed this formula. This will help you decide how to take care of those items on your list that youve decided do not meet your values or serve your life purpose.

1. Do It - This is a simple technique for a one time commitment that you really do want to do, or might really put you in a bind personally or professionally if you dont follow through. Simply do the thing you committed to do with the CLEAR request that someone else will be responsible for it in the future.

2. Dump It This is simply telling someone youre stepping down from the position or work. You do not need lengthy explanations for this. You simply speak to the person in charge or write a short, professional letter to the committee. The best way to handle this is to say something like, It has been my honor and privilege to be a contributing member of this committee/fund raising activity/group. I have given it a good deal of thought. Due to other commitments in my life, right now, I must respectfully step down from the position of ________________. I wish you the best and am sure the excellent work of this group will continue.

3. Delegate It Face it, others can do this work as well as you caneven if they choose to do it differently then you. Many people will not delegate work because they dont like to give up control and they wont let others do it differently. If you really want the time, energy and balance in your life that you say you do, then you have to learn to delegate. This means asking for help. No, its not a sign of weakness; its a sign of trust. So, who can you delegate some of these activities too?

4. Delay It But Put A Deadline On It Yes you can delay some of these activities, but be sure you put a deadline on it.

5. Do It A Different Way - This is looking at a task that needs to be done, but might be easier and more fun if its done differently. For instance you can decide to use a mobile dog grooming service instead of running all over town to have your dog groomed. In the case of cleaning closets, heres how one of my clients handle this dreaded task. She invited a friend over for an evening. She served wine and cheese and they both went through the closet to see what fit the best, what clothes might look better on her friend and the clothes to give away.

Now its your turn, take YOUR list and use the 5D process. Right now start the process of eliminating 50% of your to do list. If you really are serious, you will be able to complete this process within one to four weeks.

Get ready for some exciting things to happen. When youre clear about what you want AND make the time and space for it, you will begin to attract wonderful people and experiences. You will have time to create your "art" (many creative endeavors include: art, music, performance, dance, new businesses, further education, writing, relationships changing jobs. It's ALL art).

Excerpted from Dr. Iris Fanning's book: Change Your Life Right Now, Copyright 2006.