Everyone has a story. We spend a lot of time telling our story over and over again. Most times it's pure fiction.

Here's a story from a mother of two who works as a Pharmaceutical Sales Representative:

"I'm so exhausted. The travel on this job is ridiculous! Don't get me wrong, this job is great! I've been here for a while and am starting to really get noticed. My boss takes good care of me. I earn good money, the benefits are great and I have flexibility in my work schedule, so leaving work early for the kids isn't a big deal.

But, you know, one of the things I've always wanted to be is a doctor. After undergraduate school I had such big student loan bills that I just had to get a job. Working in pharmaceuticals is the next best thing ...I guess. I mean I get to interact with doctors every day, so that's nice.

Anyway, I could never leave this job. My family depends on my income and benefits. Going back to school would be impossible."

This is a real story from a real working mom, and it's a work of fiction!

There is a tendency to make up stories that keep you stuck in your current situation even when you have a glimmering desire to change. It makes sense though. Staying in your story is easy. You know how the story begins and ends. Life is less complicated.

Untrue!

Sticking with these false stories actually makes life MORE complicated, which is why you're feeling out of balance and stretched between conflicting responsibilities! With the influences of society and others in your life, you may be unknowingly telling a story that really isn't your own.

Often we carry the stories our parents handed down to us and these stories become so ingrained in our psyche that they become our beliefs. For example, perhaps you were raised in an upper-middle class family but your parents were always extremely frugal about money and repeated over and over, "We've worked hard to provide you with this life." The story you may be telling yourself may sound something like this, "I have to work hard to make money."

As a result, you naturally make work hard instead of pursuing a career that you are truly passionate about (thereby making work easier). Your job is "hard work" because your belief is that you must work hard to have a good life.

Our stories are further validated by a clever little character (we'll call it a Gremlin) who manipulates your mind into believing the stories it tells are true. In response, you unconsciously seek proof, or validation, that the Gremlin's story is indeed true.

So if your belief is that hard work produces money, you might look back at your career and validate this story based on your progression up the corporate ladder and with your annual tax returns that prove you've steadily earned more money through your hard work. You may further validate this story by having a story about how you suffered financially when you decided to do something outside of your "hard-working" job.

But is that for real? Is it really, truly, 100% for real?

Knowing your true story may sound deceptively simple but the fact is that most people either sugar-coat their story or make it sound much worse than it really is. To live an integrated and fulfilled life, you need to develop the skill of telling the truth about yourself, and your stories. You've got to be objective.

Try this...
Set the timer for 15 minutes and during this time, write your story. What is the story of your life?

Look at each sentence and ask yourself if it's true. Then ask yourself again, is it REALLY true? Keep asking until you are crystal clear about what the truth really is.

When will you know? It's hard to say, but trust that when it happens you'll know. The hard part is taking time to ponder the truth in your story. It can become frustrating and feel aimless, but I encourage you to make the effort.

Unraveling the truth about your stories is the first step toward realizing your ideal work+life vision. If you skip this step, you'll have an unrealistic view of the gap between where you are today and where you want to be. So take the time to understand your true story today.